We are going to the Allentown Fair this Sunday. It is an excuse to eat disgustingly fattening foods (I believe the healthiest choice is something called “fried vegetables”), spend excessive amounts of money on games that you have no possible chance of winning, survive rides that are meant for seriously younger folk, and gawk at farm animals with blue ribbons hanging next to their pens.
When you go to an event like the Allentown Fair, you go because it offers the illusion of the opportunity to spend quality time with your family. In reality, it offers a bird’s eye view of “the other side.” You’re now asking “what is the other side?” I’ll tell you. The other side is viewing people who look so extremely different from yourself that you wonder if they came from a parallel universe. Who are these people?
Nastiness prevails here. These people are the folks who walk around in 1950s polyester pants stretched over alarmingly painful looking cellulite. These people are the folks who make the British look they lead the world in dental health. These people are the ones who are so fat that they use motorized vehicles to get around. These people are the folks who wear blue frosted eye shadow, sport multiple tattoos, and think they are the fashionistas of the world because they have the latest in nipple ring jewelry. Okay, I’m talking white trash here, folks. Fat, ugly, toothless works of wonder passing themselves off as human beings. Now, am I being a snob? Oh yes I am. Any time I see someone who provokes in me a knee-jerk reaction to pull out my camera a la Diane Arbus and snap some photos is a person who needs to retool their entire image. What truly amazes me is that these people have no shame. They walk around with a look of smugness and pride on their faces. Beer guts, bee hive hairdos (and no, they are not channeling something they saw on “Mad Men”), wonky eyes, moles the size of Montana…hell, I get upset if I don’t have on a totally coordinated outfit.
And so, you ask, why do we go to the Allentown Fair? To remind ourselves that we are, in fact, still part of mainstream America, a country which affords us the opportunity to express ourselves in whatever way we wish. I’ll eat some fried food, spend some money, and spin around on a few rides. However, the main attraction will be a close up look at some truly amazing attractions – other people.